


tv doesn't always rot your brain

by IcicleFlora



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Confusion, Misunderstandings, after mami snaps but before homura's completely frozen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:48:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24977155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcicleFlora/pseuds/IcicleFlora
Summary: Madoka watches Yuki Yuna Is A Hero in a timeline, and proceeds to misinterpret so many things. But she gets some stuff right.
Relationships: Akemi Homura & Kaname Madoka, Akemi Homura & Tomoe Mami, Kaname Madoka & Miki Sayaka
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

Madoka Kaname was not a fan of dark works – on the whole, she preferred her entertainment to be cute, happy-go-lucky, and optimistic, with happy endings guaranteed. And in the vast majority of timelines, this led to her thinking of magical girls as girls who fought for fairytale kingdoms, took the names of positive concepts as their aliases, and shouted out their attacks. Everything was alright at the end of the day, no one was ever permanently injured, and power-ups which made the main characters more sparkly were inevitable.

Unfortunately for the Incubators of Timeline #X Madoka chose to watch _Yuki Yuna Is a Hero_ instead of _Smile Pre-Cure_.

Homura Akemi’s arrival to this timeline was marked by her eyes snapping open with purpose. Quite unluckily, all her grief seeds had been used up in the fight against Walpurgisnacht, leaving her with an oil slick of a soul gem. The jewel that her soul had been condensed into was not a diamond in the rough at this time; it was a diamond which had been roughed up by the spirits of dinosaurs and long dead plant life, then brutally ejected into a tar pit. Witch hunting would have to be prioritized, and she would not be able to heal her eyes and heart. She wondered if she could face Madoka without despairing, then quickly crushed the thought that dissented from her mission. Homura would have to see the girl she _kept_ failing today, with her death by thrown debris still fresh in her mind. And if Homura had redirected- No. Best not to think of that. But why wouldn’t Madoka ever listen to her warnings?

Miss Saotome’s rant about her boyfriend’s preferences for eggs seemed oddly familiar to Madoka – just like the rest of her morning. Last night’s dream still bothered her, especially because she could only remember the worst of it. The black-haired girl jumping to fight a massive doll and being thrown around, like _she_ was the toy instead. A colorful parade marched into town, bringing it closer and closer, something Madoka just _knew_ would mean the end for Mitakihara City. And the animal sitting there, telling her something that she knew that meant that _she_ could help. Then – something rectangular flew towards her and time seemed to slow. A brick? No, it was too big. W-was it made of glass? _Broken_ glass? Realization set in as she tried to run, but it was far too late. She only managed a twitch before the building’s corner smashed into her body, taking the small creature next to her with it. The last thing she heard before her world was gone was the monochrome girl screaming her name like her purpose in life was dead.

Madoka snapped to attention as Miss Saotome told the class that a transfer student from Tokyo would be joining their class today. The black-haired girl strolled into the room, with slightly red-rimmed eyes. Instead of a monochrome dress that almost looked like a school uniform, she was wearing the same outfit as Madoka, except for the black tights and cherry-red glasses. _How?_ Shouldn’t she be dead?

“My name is Homura Akemi. Pleased to meet you,” the black-haired girl said.

After writing her name on the board, the new student – Homura Akemi – almost made eye contact with her, but then glanced down at the last moment. She seemed so cool and collected though. Why would she be shy?

Miss Akemi took to almost all the classes with ease, except P.E. In that class, even running was too much for her, and she had to sit down in the shade for a while. After trying to rejoin the class, she was sent to the nurse’s office, with Madoka accompanying her. On the walk there, Miss Akemi constantly looked at the floor with a slight blush while always remaining a few steps ahead of Madoka. Madoka’s attempts to start conversation failed, but she said that Madoka could call her Homura, so that had to mean something. It was a unusual name, she thought. But it probably wasn’t right to bring it up, not when Homura looked so nervous. Complimenting her accessories shouldn’t upset her, right?

Then she said, “Um Homura? Your ring looks so pretty! And the symbols on it look so cool too! Where did you get it? I think I’d like one too – n-not that I’m trying to copy you!”

Homura’s entire body stiffened, and she spun on her heel and grasped Madoka’s hands. Her eyes widened, and Madoka could spot tears glistening.

“No! If you treasure the life you currently live or do not want to be separated from your friends and family, _do not_ obtain one of these rings.” Homura’s voice shook while saying this.

“What? O-Of course I love my family, and my friends! Everything I have is precious, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!”

Maybe – Maybe it was something like the Ring Lord thing she had heard about? She thought that curses were involved in that story somewhere. But everyone knew that magic didn’t exist. It was just something in stories.

“Homura? How do you get one of those rings? N-not that I want one of them! I-I just want to know so I can avoid it!”

Homura seemed to relax, and exhaled heavily.

“Just stay as you are, Madoka. Please. Do not try to change yourself or your circumstances by any means. If you must do so, _do not_ use methods that appear miraculously when you need them most. There will always be another chance.”

Homura released Madoka’s hands, and started walking to the nurse’s office on her own. To Madoka, it really did sound as if Homura was under a curse of some sort. Her dream where Homura was fighting against the doll like a magical girl came to mind. It was ridiculous though. Magical girls didn’t actually exist. But if they did, it sounded like it would be worse than the animes depicted it. She _had_ heard about something called PTSD that soldiers got from history class, and it made sense that magical girls would get something like that too if they fought against villains all the time. And if magic was life energy, then girls could be hurt forever like the girls in Yuki Yuna. Even if they didn’t get hurt physically, they could be hurt emotionally. Madoka’s thoughts came to a screeching halt as she realized that Homura was walking towards the nurse’s office on her own.

“Wait! Homura! I’m supposed to go with you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a heads up, I haven't actually watched Yuki Yuna, so my canon knowledge is lacking. This timeline is supposed to be before Homura became a complete ice queen, but after Mami snapped. So, I kinda let Homura express a more emotion than she does in most of the series because of that, and because Corisanna's As N Approaches Infinity colored my view of her sooo much. (Mostly due to me preferring written work and Corisanna being an fabulous writer.) 
> 
> Humor isn't my strength, so this has a decent chance of ending up as serious. But I do know the general direction I want this story to go in, so hopefully I'll finish it!


	2. Chapter 2

Homura Akemi, like so many magical girls before her, was currently cursing Kyubey for not including a compass on the top of her Soul Gem. She had no desire to play hot and cold with a Witch. In fact, the only game she was interested in playing with one was _Suffer Not A Witch To Live: Firearm Edition_. Her current opponent was Mami Tomoe, playing with magical muskets and ribbons, while Homura was playing with stolen yakuza guns and infinitely more time to aim. The subplot where the Incubator lured Madoka and Sayaka into a Labyrinth (with of course, Mami’s strings leading them out and into the Incubator’s web) was one she hoped to stop, but if she did not want her Soul Gem to darken too much and lead to a game over, she had to continue hunting.

Kyubey should be attempting to lure Madoka into Gertrud’s thorny clutches soon, but Homura’s proximity to the Witch and the fact that she was an unknown variable would hopefully dissuade the Incubator from its plan. Tomoe’s introduction had a tendency to induce complete faith in the blonde’s capabilities and character, which was problematic for dissuading the cotton-candy haired duo. Charlotte’s guillotine act, the loss of the healing abilities Tomoe displayed, the lack of a resident ‘hero’ for Mitakihara, and Kamijou’s outburst all tended to be major factors in Miki’s decision to contract. As for Madoka, she tended to contract when a life was in immediate danger or was already lost. So unless this event was an outlier in danger, there would be little risk for either of them to contract.

But what if either of them was involved in a fatal accident? It would be an outlier, but it had happened once to Amy, so the total experimental probability of an accident occurring would be somewhere between 1 and 2 percent. Mitakihara had some of the lowest crime and accident rates in the world (disregarding some of the suspected kidnappings and disappearances), but it was still a possibility. Madoka didn’t seem to fear her this time ~~(despite _that_ timeline),~~ so maybe they could spend time together, with Homura as her protector.

Homura’s earlier outburst would hopefully also disincline the pinkette from making a wish. Unfortunately, no matter the form the anti-change lectures took, they had little impact on her choice to contract. Foreshadowing early on in the game from NPCs rarely registered until later on, she mused.

Ah. The Rose Garden Witch’s labyrinth was near. Grumbling to herself, she quickly transformed and took out a semi-automatic pistol, checked its magazine and safety, and walked into the next street. She had absolutely no desire to repeat that humiliating moment when Tomoe tied down Izabel, Homura tried to shoot, and found that her gun was _unloaded_ and the safety was on.

“Hey! Miss, where did you get that gun?” a young-looking (hopefully gullible) policeman shouted.

Damn her, her corruption-induced head fog, and _outliers_. Tomoe’s plan for getting caught sprung to mind: Pretend you’re a mixed foreigner here to visit for a cosplay convention and _pray_. Bonus points for being part Italian. It certainly explained how she kept up her foreign-language grades despite all the Witch hunting. Dropping the honorifics, mangling pronunciation, inserting random foreign words into sentences, and understanding absolutely nothing should work.

“Ciao! Dispenseme policeman! There is a molto importo con I must be at.”

Homura realized, probably too late, that her black hair and most definitely Asian features were extremely detrimental to any attempts to pass as mixed. Plastic surgery? Dominant genes? Parents moved to Rome for religion? Rome was where the Pope lived and he’s Catholic. Her previous school was Catholic. Adoption is generous and loving, correct? Yes. She would proceed with that as her story.

The look of incredulity on the policeman’s face bore quite a strong resemblance to Miki’s face when listening to Homura tell her about the Incubator.

“Oh certe. Policeman, I am adopted. That is why my hair is nero and I look asiatico.”

She didn’t think it was possible for a human face to make that expression. But then again, her loops had been _very_ enlightening on that matter.

Last name, she needed a good last name. And a good first name, but if she had to, she could keep her original. What was the name of the American tv show Homura had heard about? Gray Anatomy? She was almost certain that a character with Gray as a name existed. Now for the first name. While she couldn’t quite recall the name of that anime she had watched with Madoka, she knew it had Alice, which was a European name in the title. Yes, Alice would work. (She certainly felt as if she was being examined through a looking glass.)

“I am Gray. Alice Gray.”

Surprisingly enough, the policeman’s face immediately turned to one of understanding.

“Alina Gray must be your sister then. You speak very similarly! Just a bit of advice young lady, it’s polite to add honorifics when addressing people you aren’t familiar with. Do you need any help finding this convention??”

…What? Who was Alina Gray? And how had Tomoe’s plan worked? ~~She almost managed to kill everyone while insane, of course it worked~~. No. Do _not_ think about that. She threw that image into the deepest recesses of her memory, along with that time she had borrowed her mother’s ballet slippers and craft supplies. In any case, by talking to this policeman, she was losing time to prevent Madoka from encountering the Incubator.

“Sí, she is. I am molto late. Goodbye, signor policeman.“ Homura said while walking off. It might have been rude, but etiquette and its rules were secondary to Madoka’s wellbeing and potential to meet a very undesirable (though adorable) conversation partner.

While she had been speaking with the policeman, the Rose Garden Witch had fled towards the mall. Homura could almost see her probability of success fall. This timeline would not be an outlier during the earliest events of the loop. Still, she had to try. Homura speed-walked along the lines of Gertrud’s magical trail, keeping in mind that if she tried to run, she would collapse, fail to obtain a Grief Seed, and further impede her quest to save Madoka.

Homura broke into the Witch’s labyrinth just outside the mall. She knew that Tomoe was on this Witch’s trail, the Incubator would lure Madoka and Sayaka to it, and she didn’t have the magic to spare to try and kill the alien with hula-hoop earrings. Immediately, she started shooting at the Familiars, blazing a path straight to the center of the Labyrinth. It was always a struggle to get her aim up to par after the start of a new timeline, so about half of the stock of her magazine was wasted. She switched out one pre-loaded firearm for another, in a manner that resembled what an Incubator that had received detailed instruction on emotion would look like trying to express its feelings: clearly practiced, but the entity’s body just did not possess a solid grasp of the action.

As the Beretta’s magazine emptied again, Homura sensed the magic of the Labyrinth parting to invite what she presumed was a pastel-haired duo in.

“Roses,” she spat, preferring to focus on the problems right in front of her. “They _had_ to find red roses. Why couldn’t they be satisfied with nice, pink roses?”

She used a rocket launcher on the next Familiar just for spite.

When Madoka heard the voice in her head, she seriously considered calling Mama for help, because, “Mental health is very important Madoka, and going crazy won’t help you crush your enemies. Always stack the deck in your favor!” (Mama might have been very drunk and angry when she said that, but it was still good advice!) Even though it was weird, it was calling for help and sounded oddly familiar, so Madoka rushed towards it anyways. In the back of her mind, she wondered if this meant that magic actually existed, and if Homura had some link to it.

The voice led her to the floor under maintenance, which was creepy and reminded Madoka of her Papa telling about common tricks used to lure people to places where they could be kidnapped.

“What’s happening, Madoka?” Sayaka shouted.

‘Please, help me! It’s almost here!’ the maybe-hallucination shouted. Madoka looked around frantically, while Sayaka came to a halt beside her. The pinkette glimpsed a stuffed animal with its legs crushed under- _something warm dripping down her forehead and no pain even though her legs were crushed and air wouldn’t go into her lungs and the thudding was so loud and she couldn’t-_

“Madoka! Madoka!” Sayaka was shaking her hard, with confusion clear in her voice.

“I- I’m fine Sayaka,” she said, and stared hard at the floor so she wouldn’t have to see _that_. Switching her attention to the white and pink rabbit-squirrel with an oval tattoo, she asked, “A-Are you the voice that was asking me for help?” It looked so familiar, almost exactly like Homura had.

‘Yes! Please help me! There’s something coming soon and we need to get out of here!’ it shouted, despite its lack of a voice.

Sayaka told her, “I’ll help him Madoka! You grab that fire extinguisher and blast anything that comes our way!” Sayaka lifted the deja-vu inducing living plushie into her arms after getting the debris off, then turned to Madoka’s shout.

“Sayaka! LOOK!” The bluette turned to see a hellscape open in front of them, with mustachioed cotton-balls with butterfly tails chanting, while thorny chains trapped them.

“What’s going on? Are they trying to cast a spell or something?”

“I don’t know! But it looks like Yuki Yuna, so it can’t be good!”

“What! Madoka, that’s- Actually our day’s been like an anime so far… Did you see time stop?”

“There was no one else, so I don’t know! Why are you so calm?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!” The double-eared creature with a color gradient and hula hoops in the wrong place was being squished _tightly_ throughout all of this. Sayaka shouted, “Hey, Mr. Magical Creature? WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON?”

It was too damaged to answer.

Luckily for the pastel duo, one heavily armed magical girl and one in a Mitakihara uniform blasted the freakishly mermaidlike cotton balls away.

“Homura, is that you?” Madoka asked. Oh dear. This _would_ explain why Homura had that heart issue, and why her glasses were so thick. And her ring was gone! Maybe it was her transformation trinket?

“Hey, Miss Akemi! So, you’re a magical girl! Man, that’s cool!” Sayaka said. Madoka jabbed her elbow into Sayaka’s side.

“Oh right.”

Homura, on her part, was trying not to freak out. Tomoe was standing directly across from her, with a chain in hand, _Miki_ was holding Kyubey, Madoka was looking at her with a poorly disguised look of alarm, and somehow they both knew something of the magical girl system. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homura uses Spanish and pretty incorrect Italian because she’s never been very interested in it and mostly picked up what little she knows from Mami.
> 
> Alina Gray is a character in Magia Record, and she’s an absolutely bat-shit insane artist. Given her name, I chose to interpret her as partially European. Random Italian is also a thing in her dialogue. 
> 
> This was my first attempt at a humor scene for this fic. All of my previous attempts at writing humor have left my friends bewildered, so please tell me if this was confusing. 
> 
> Bonus cause I'm not sure if I'll be able to fit it in b/c timeline issues and deciding The Chomp:
> 
> Sayaka: OH MY GOD YOU WERE RIGHT
> 
> Madoka: HOW DO WE GET RID OF THIS THING
> 
> Sayaka: IDK BUT WHAT IT’S DOING IS WRONG!!! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
> 
> Madoka: IS IT STALKING YOU TOO???
> 
> Sayaka: WTF HAS IT PEEPED ON YOU TOO???
> 
> Madoka: *calls dad* He says to smack them with a frying pan? Or a spatula? I think he was cooking… He said to throw a lawyer and their paperwork at him too… I don’t think we can sue an alien….
> 
> Sayaka: BULLSHIT IT’S CALLED THE JUSTICE SYSTEM.
> 
> Madoka: *calls mom* Mama says she doesn’t know if you could press charges on an alien for what they’re doing, but all the contracts should be considered invalid because we’re minors. She says civil court could be an option. 
> 
> Sayaka: HA THAT COURT WON’T BE SO CIVIL WHEN I’M DONE WITH THAT THING
> 
> Mami: *wandered by shortly before* What are you talking about, Kyubey’s helpless!
> 
> Sayaka: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HELPLESS YOU’RE HELPING HIM
> 
> Madoka: *still on the phone with Mama* Oh really? Sayaka, Mama says Tomoe-san is committing the crime of aiding and abetting a criminal!
> 
> Sayaka: HAH! 
> 
> Mami: Criminal? Kyubey wouldn’t have-
> 
> Sayaka: THAT BASTARD’S BEEN STALKING US TO GET US TO CONTRACT
> 
> Madoka: Contracts made under pressure aren’t valid!
> 
> Mami: They’re an alien- 
> 
> Sayaka: THEY’RE??? YOU BASTARD YOU SAID YOU WERE A GUY! HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SPYING ON US?!?
> 
> Kyubey: No, you merely interpreted my words as such-
> 
> Madoka: Still, you were in my bathroom!
> 
> Mami: Kyubey, I’ve explained why that’s unacceptable, and you agreed you wouldn’t do it again!
> 
> Kyubey: I did not, I merely implied as such. Many sharp objects are thrown in Madoka’s house, and yelling is frequent so-
> 
> Madoka: MAMA AND PAPA ARE JUST A LITTLE TOO COMPETITIVE AT DARTS! I TOLD YOU THIS!


	3. Chapter 3

Mami Tomoe had not expected to meet another magical girl today. Her plans for today consisted of hunting Witches until adults would start to get concerned, eat, quickly finish homework, and then go to sleep while regretting her choices. In retrospect, she should have saved her parents, made more of an effort to make friends when entering middle school, tried to understand Kyoko’s point of view better (even though it would have led to too many deaths), worked harder to improve her abilities, and refrained from using her ribbons to forcibly removed air bubbles from macarons.

Unfortunately, it appeared the new magical girl in Mitakihara would have to take precedence over everything else. Mami would be willing to share, but she couldn’t tolerate actions that deliberately allowed people to die to Witches. She would have to collect information about the girl she was facing later.

Mami presumed her surname was Akemi, and quickly sized her up.

Her weapon was most likely the shield strapped to her arm due to its uniqueness. The design could be significant in determining her abilities, but as Mami knew, the weapons others saw was not the weapons a magical girl was given. The handgun was worth consideration due to its illegality, but ultimately it looked fairly mundane compared to the shield. Thick bright-red glasses showed that she either possessed lacking skill in healing herself, did not know she could do it, or she didn’t care. It was, of course, an possibility that she couldn’t afford to heal herself since the state of her soul gem was concerning, but the presence of the firearm was an indicator that she had planning skills, perhaps had stealth magic or possessed significant skills along those lines, and had some measure of disregard for the law. Gun possession showed that she was most likely not a new magical girl, but the way she used her handgun was peculiar. She quite obviously knew how to do it well, but the motion wasn’t automatic at all. 

Mami concluded that Miss Akemi wouldn’t be the worst opponent to fight due to an unknown amount of disregard for the law and possibly strong defensive magic, which was balanced by her difficulties in healing and lack of experience with her current weapon. Assessing her personality would have to wait until they actually spoke – which should be soon. The silence was really getting awkward.

“Those are Mitakihara uniforms I see. I’m Mami Tomoe, a 3rd year there.” she said to the blue-haired and pink-haired girls, “I’m afraid introductions should wait for later. There’s some business to finish here.”

Miss Akemi took a deep breath and said, “I concur. I do not wish to fight you, and we have wasted enough time standing here. Let us discuss matters after the Witch is defeated.”

“Um, what should Sayaka and I do? We can’t really fight, and she’s holding a bloody talking creature. Oh! I’m Madoka Kaname, and she’s Sayaka Miki.”

Mami mentally slapped herself, then threw a few pastries at her self-image for good measure. How could she not notice that Kyubey was hurt?

“We’re close enough to the center that you won’t be able to exit easily. Miss Akemi, would you be alright with proceeding in a line to the core of the Labyrinth, with you in the back and myself at the front, then using a barrier to protect Miss Kaname and Miss Miki? As for Kyubey, I’ll heal him after we get out of this Labyrinth. Sadly I don’t think I’ll be able to heal him now, as we’re in too much danger. ” Mami said.

“Yes.” With that, Miss Akemi stalked behind them.

“Oh, so Kyubey is his name. Homura, is something wrong?” Miss Kaname asked.

“Kyubey. Perfect name for a magical-girl maker!” Sayaka said, provoking a twitch from Miss Akemi.

“No. I am perfectly alright.” she responded, after glaring at Kyubey for a few seconds too long.

“Did I say something? Does this thing _actually_ make magical girls?”

Mami transformed, and they began moving into the labyrinth, and the sound of gunfire was a constant behind her. She noted that fearful and surprised reactions from the two girls in the middle tended to be responded to with heavier gunfire, more rarely _rat-tat-tat-tat_ of machine gun fire, and on one particularly memorable what seemed to be a magically enhanced golf club. (Miss Miki’s enthusiastic exclamation about Magical Golfers For Justice and Miss Kaname’s encouragement disguised as distance estimation were clear indicators.)

Mami’s contribution to the cotton balls’ (which really resembled a preschooler’s art project) death toll was more significant by virtue of her leading them to the center. She easily shot down the familiars, and made sure to keep an eye out for the three girls behind her. Miss Miki and Miss Kaname were normal human girls, albeit with some potential, while Miss Akemi was low on magic, and most likely had some suppressed anger issues.

Assigning her to the end of their procession meant her own back was vulnerable, but Mami would have to hope that Miss Akemi would protect the two girls with her own magic, while not taking advantage of the opportunity to get rid of her. Risking this was better than possibly taking on the Witch alone, especially since it may have managed to hurt Kyubey. Mami had a suspicion that if she had placed herself in the back, Miss Akemi would have refused to cooperate, or worse, run out of magic from the increased strain. In any case, Mami thought that it would be better if someone died here, it would be better if it was her. She didn’t have any friends or family that would mourn her left.

Homura Akemi was most _definitely_ considering taking out Mami Tomoe right then and now, but Madoka wouldn’t like it, so that was not an option. Avoiding conversation about magical girls and Witches was the best course of action for now; if she didn’t hint about _that_ then Tomoe probably wouldn’t snap. Right now, she was dealing with her anxiety for the future by using a little too much force on the Anthonies.

“Homura, that must have been at least 50 meters! And cotton is so fluffy too, so you must have hit it _really_ hard!”

“Yeah! Be a magic golfer for _justice_! Imagine it, Cure Golf!”

Why would golf need medical treatment? Maybe Miki was referring to the TV series that Madoka liked (and Homura developed an utter loathing for). She couldn’t recall a sports themed magical girl anime though. The current iteration of the abhorrent glorification of magical girls and overly sparkly magic-wasting transformations was called Smile PreCure.

Homura mentally reviewed the creation of a barrier (it wasn’t one of her strong suits, ironically) as they neared the Witch itself. Tomoe would never again be trusted with protecting Madoka, not after _that_ timeline. Throw out magic shaped like little strings, then will them to become solid for a time while adding an extra layer of magic in the holes. Her attempts at this tended to result in magically-inefficient bolts of energy that fried Madoka’s hair whenever she was in the vicinity. Tomoe had theorized that this was the result of her personal magic spreading a thin layer of magic very widely, if not everywhere (no astronomical oddities were ever reported, no matter how long time was stopped) and her reliance on mundane weapons. Not using magic except to transform and affect time may have had an effect on her fine control, and therefore other possible applications of her powers.

As much as she hated to admit it, it was probably true. Tomoe couldn’t make muskets until she knew their structure, and even then it took much practice. Sakura never displayed any use of a personal magic, but created spears and barriers easily. Going back in time or even pausing it had an enormous energy cost, and had an equally large area of effect. They needed finer control to create weapons that wouldn’t break in the middle of battle, while Homura needed to get her magic _everywhere in the universe_ to utilize her abilities. Specialization in one area, time-space magic, was probably the result.

She would have to just have to make sure to pay special attention to every aspect of the barrier then. That was vastly preferable to Madoka and Miki’s safety being reliant on Tomoe. Hair damage could be soothed with promises of hair care tips and lessons on Magical Girl Justice (with a propagandistic bias towards her own stance, of course).

The blood soaking into Sayaka’s shirt was so weird. It didn’t smell enough like iron to be human, but at the same time the warmth and red color was vibrant enough to be convincing. And the badly ~~pierced (seriously, the earrings were sideways…wait that was a bad word it might actually be impaled)~~ injured with haloed ears creature (Kyubey, it was Kyubey, it might be dead, she had to remember it) didn’t _have_ organs. All of the ample exposed flesh was spongy red, and it didn’t seem to have any bones either. Seeing it crushed underneath all the construction materials was just…the way it just stopped _talking_ …

There was no heartbeat, so Sayaka just had to hope it was still alive. It was calling out for them, hoping to get out of the way before it fell silent, then the freakish garden they were in appeared all around them. What was this place? Kyubey sounded terrified while it was crying out, so it couldn’t be good…and Miss Akemi and the other girl in the same uniform as Madoka and herself tried to _find_ these?

Even though she desperately wanted to know where the hell they were, she didn’t want to be one of those stupid civilians that distracted the heroes. Besides in school they told you to follow instructions in an emergency, and this had to be one. The blonde and Miss Akemi probably knew what they were doing, so Sayaka resolved to wait and hope one of them had healing magic strong enough. They were magical girls right? Every always ended right for them. But Miss Akemi’s reaction was telling of her opinion of Kyubey, so… If he really was a magical girl maker, did she blame it for getting her into this? But in the shows, they could always retire after the final battle, so maybe Sayaka could help!

Did the Yuki Yuna girls get to retire though? Sayaka couldn’t remember, and Miss Akemi’s health wasn’t the best. She had to go to the nurse’s office today and something about heart issues was mentioned. The world they were in now looked so unlike the worlds Cures lived in, and no one ever died there. Sayaka decided to wait to hear more about this world, before deciding. Of course, she and Madoka would ask plenty of questions before deciding what to do.

She looked at Madoka, and she looked terrified. Her hands were trembling and had a death grip on the fire extinguisher, but she was still managing to call out encouragement to Miss Akemi who – woah. Was that a machine gun? The black-haired girl looked _pissed_. Her face kind of relaxed when she started firing into the crowd behind them, and the scissor-psycho cotton balls burst apart. Sayaka quickly looked forward before Miss Akemi could catch her staring, and saw the tail end of the blonde girl’s small, startled flinch.

As they trekked on, and Kyubey bled out, Sayaka saw Madoka’s bewildered expression. She figured that it would be worth seeing, especially to distract her, so she looked back and saw Miss Akemi swing a golf club back, and launch a psycho gardener cotton ball into the air.

Sayaka couldn’t help thinking that Homura would make an amazing Cure Sunny just from that swing. But Sunny’s thing was volleyball and fire, so she shouted out, “Yeah! Be a magic golfer for _justice_! Imagine it, Cure Golf!”

As the party moved on, Sayaka noticed that Kyubey’s body was leaking less blood against her. She knew that it couldn’t be good, and she hoped that the lack of damage to its non-existent organs meant that it could stay alive longer. It wasn’t quite limp yet, so it had to be alive, right? But it didn’t have _organs_. She didn’t know what meant it was dead, or if it could even die. But the way it just stopped talking meant that it could be knocked unconscious. So, with nothing else to do, she muttered, “God, I wish I knew how to tell if Kyubey’s alive.”

Sayaka could feel the glare from Miss Akemi as soon as she finished saying it. She really couldn’t say anything right today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homura's thoughts about her magic are mostly just me trying to explain the energy bolts in the beginning of the original series. I can't seem to recall anyone else using these, so they're either a personal magic or something other characters can use but never do. So, since they seem to be a general use of magic like Mami and Kyoko's barriers (really just throwing magic around) I needed an explanation for why Homura uses magic bolts. Mami's ribbons and the way Kyoko's barrier formation looks a little like weaving formed the foundation. Homura obviously spreads her magic quite widely to turn back and stop time, so I figured that trouble with fine control needed for more delicate work would be a decent explanation.


	4. Chapter 4

The cheerless party reached the center of the Labyrinth. Sayaka thought that the introduction to the main fight looked like what an animated character would have for an acid trip if it was Cthulhu entering their world. Maybe _after_ it got rammed in the head by that captain. Then there was the main monster itself. It looked like what a butterfly Sleeping Beauty would be if the roses had gotten onto her and the prince never came. She traded glances with Madoka. Didn’t the villains of Yuki Yuna distort reality somehow? And this was a totally different world from the mall. Kinda like how Japan was- Crap.

“Um Homura? Were we supposed to see those _rings_? And _doors_?” Madoka asked.

Sayaka blurted out, “I bet it’s like ring around the rosie and those doors mean the same in books and stuff! A plague’s going to come and _kill us all_. Oh magical heroes of light, save us from our doom!”

Miss Akemi looked like she was having a conniption at the thought.

“Or darkness! Dark, despairing heroes are awesome too!”

Miss Akemi’s eye was twitching and her gun hand’s knuckles were white.

She responded, “Yes. It’s fairly standard to see phenomena along those lines.”

That…wasn’t good. Maybe the little patches of weirdness weren’t bad like hallucinations but the oh no this is where part of the world ended and it could happen to everywhere else sense. Madoka looked disturbed too.

“Well then, it’s time for me and Miss Akemi to fight the Witch,” Miss Tomoe said.

So _that’s_ what those things were called. She continued, “I suggest we trade information about each others’ abilities to be able to successfully fight together.”

Homura frowned and replied, “I see no need to do so. You are already aware of my primary method of combat, and I yours.”

Weird. Wouldn’t they have some sort of special ability or element that they could use?

Miss Tomoe quirked an eyebrow and said, “Alright then. Miss Kaname, Miss Miki, please stay behind the barrier I’ll cast at all times. Miss Miki, please pass your fire extinguisher to me.”

Miss Akemi said, “I will cast the barrier, “ like there was no room for dissenting thoughts, let alone _discussion_. Her hands started glowing purple.

Sayaka did as requested, and asked, “Could you maybe heal Kyubey now? I don’t know if he’s even alive…”

“Of course. Oh dear, he really is in bad shape…” Miss Tomoe said.

Miss Akemi stopped shaping the ball of purple light in her hands and said, “Perhaps we should put him out of his misery.”

“I’m sure I can heal him back to full strength.”

“Yes, but the Witch could prey on Madoka and Miss Miki while you are doing so.”

“It won’t take that long.”

“Putting him out of his misery will take even less.”

Jesus, Miss Akemi _really_ didn’t like Kyubey, did she?

Miss Akemi continued, “In any case, his wounds are of such severity that we may not be able to defeat the Witch after you have finished treating his wounds.”

“He’s my _friend_!”

Sayaka and Madoka traded glances. On one hand, Miss Akemi didn’t like Kyubey, and judging from what Madoka had said earlier, was either crazy or didn’t want more people getting powers. Sayaka thought that it was the latter mostly because of the cotton-deathballs with a disturbing passion for German.

On the other, Miss Tomoe liked Kyubey, and thought he was a friend. …Yeah, Miss Akemi definitely had more going for her side.

Madoka whispered, “Sayaka, I’m not sure, but I think that Homura _might_ be right. Maybe not about killing Kyubey, but about not liking it.”

Yes! Madoka was riding the same train of thought!

Sayaka responded, “Yeah. If it’s a magical girl maker and it lured us here… Then it tried to get us killed. If Miss Tomoe was close enough to get here a few seconds after we got caught here, why didn’t he call her? “

“Do you think they’re working together? Like insider trading. Kyubey brings more magical girls into the fold, and Miss Tomoe takes advantage of that to do less of this.”

“Maybe. She goes to our school, so maybe she was watching us for Kyubey.”

“She was wearing the same uniform as – Homura! Miss Tomoe! Please don’t fight! Maybe…maybe you can just heal him until his wounds are closed then heal him more after?”

The air around the two magical girls were both sparking with energy – one purple, one yellow. Both of their stances were tense and combat-ready, as if they were preparing to lunge for the Silver Crystal. Miss Akemi looked like she was gearing up to pitch a magical baseball, while Miss Tomoe’s hands were glowing with an luminescence resembling candlelight, but far too intense. Sayaka didn’t know if contact with them would be healing or painful, but they definitely had a golden touch. Kyubey’s body was taking even more damage from the mini-fireworks show. Well, at least he had two parts of Stop, Drop, and Roll done.

Two pairs of lungs exhaled forcefully as Miss Tomoe and Miss Akemi tried to calm down. The air started feeling like the heat of an armory’s worth of fired guns, and a hamster wheel.

“Fine. I will be doing something _useful_.” Miss Akemi said, with a glance at Madoka. She stalked off, leaving little purple holes in her wake. An irrelevant thought sprung into Sayaka’s mind: Where could she get some of those knife shoes? Did she get them at the same place she got that awesome inventory? What quest did she have to go on?

But _ouch_. Miss Akemi wasn’t a Cure at all, she was chemotherapy. What happened to the timid girl from this morning?

Miss Tomoe demanded, “Where are you going?” Why was she even asking? It wasn’t like there was another Kyubey to put down.

Deadpan, she said, “To construct a barrier.” A toss of her hair and a lift of her chin gave of an aura of ‘Obviously. What did you think I was going to do, go turn people into angsty ghosts?”

With that said, she pulled out a purple blob of energy and made it spin around and around and around, making threads like a cotton candy machine, and around and around and-

“Hey, Madoka? Was I always colorblind?

Mami didn’t know what Miss Akemi’s problem was. Kyubey was obviously a friend – he granted wishes, gave them magic, and happily guided them. Even if he wasn’t always the best, he wasn’t human. How could she possibly expect him to abide by human standards?

Even if Kyubey had done something in his ignorance, how could Miss Akemi ever think he deserved _death_? He couldn’t fight, he couldn’t heal himself, and he couldn’t even ask most people for help, so he was defenseless. No words deserved taking away someone’s chance to change, much less to love. It was true that Kyubey’s family wouldn’t care if he was gone, he admitted there was a possibility that could change.

Mami had so many words left unsaid from the day she first met him. She wouldn’t let her friend feel the same guilt that she still held, a remnant from that fateful trip.

It didn’t matter how much magic she had to give, and it didn’t matter what the consequences were. All that was important in this moment was saving his life so he didn’t have to die because of-

What harmed him? It couldn’t have been the two in Mitakihara uniforms – they weren’t magical girls and it was evident that neither of them knew how to fight. Perhaps it was Miss Akemi. After all, she certainly had the capabilities, and she had advocated for murdering Kyubey. Also, she had to have obtained her firearms somewhere, and there was really only a few places to get them in Japan, none of them legal. If she interacted with some of the more …unsavory members of society, she would no doubt have learned how to best induce suffering.

Mami reminded herself to stay calm. There was no guarantee that Miss Akemi was the one to harm Kyubey, and there had been no (literal) blood on her hands. True, she had obviously exerted some effort, but Labyrinths could be very tiring. She would have to discuss this issue with her – after giving her a Grief Seed. It wouldn’t do to leave her gem so tarnished, and the gratitude it would spark would, of course, be an advantage. Distasteful, true, but any advantage was necessary since she had been unable to gain an accurate read on her abilities. In any case, pushing her away would drive the other two to her.

She had to keep a clear head on her shoulders. Mami channeled her magic down from her hat, into her body, and out of her hands. She imagined the cells of Kyubey’s body knitting back together, the lost blood replenishing, harmful bacteria dying, and any foreign objects working their way out.

Mami blinked. On the bright side, the debris wasn’t from bullets. However, a pile of splinters was steadily accumulating by his side. How on earth would Kyubey have pieces of _wood_ in his body? She could accept bits of food, metal, and suicidal feelings, but how would he have gotten _tree shards_ into his body?

Maybe a branch fell on his back? Did he mistake a sakura twig for fondant? Could he have fallen asleep wrong and relaxed a bit too much?

Mami winced. She certainly wouldn’t like to wake up to find out that she had been snacking on a tree.

Whatever the cause, it seemed less likely that Miss Akemi was the culprit. The black-haired magical girl was more likely to kill something with gunfire than too much fiber. And for some reason, Mami doubted she had _anything_ that didn’t fit into her theme of bloody, monochrome minimalism.

Homura was completely and utterly focused on the issue of the non-existence of her barrier. How could she protect Madoka (and Miss Miki, but _only_ because harm to her would make Madoka sad) without it? Miss Tomoe couldn’t be trusted (though Homura would like to. Why did _that_ timeline have to occur?), and Homura would rather pawn her Soul Gem than let any of her once-upon-a-time friends contract permanently.

Of course, she sold it years ago for a small path to Madoka’s light, so it wasn’t like she could sell it again. Being dead would be very detrimental to her bucket list. Number 39 in particular would be impossible –there was simply no way to bodysurf with Madoka _without a body._

After focusing her desires and hopes into her energy ball, Homura began to spin it around, willing it to exude minute threads that would weave into a chain-link barrier. The purple magic began to split into swirls of black and white, creating a hypnotizing sight.

Her Soul Gem was looking worse than it was in the morning. Homura mentally chided herself for not waking up earlier all those timelines ago – the early bird didn’t just get the worm, she also got the girl.

“Hey Madoka? Was I always colorblind?” Miss Miki asked.

Obviously not. If she was, she would never have been able to gush on about the ‘color’ of that boy’s music – synthesia was far more likely.

“Sayaka, what are you talking about? You were gushing over album covers today!”

…disturbing. Still, Miss Miki had made many idiotic decisions last timeline – the choice to make giant swords of _water_ and throw them at a Witch was one of the _least_ stupid. Perhaps that version’s lack of intelligence carried over into this iteration of her.

“Then why can’t I see any color?! Your hair is _grey_ and you don’t even have any wrinkles! Wait, do you think it’s like _that_?”

“Sayaka, that’s really different than in the anime… But I guess the show could have been inspired by something…and rainbow just looks better I guess.”

“Exactly! And you know what we saw when we got to the Witch’s waiting room?”

“Yeah! Maybe they were inspired by both of those things?”

Oh, they were talking about how Witches might have inspired magical girl shows. Personally, Homura thought that Kyubey somehow manipulated the entire genre into being – simply because it wasn’t allowed to suggest wishes didn’t mean it couldn’t take advantage of a poorly worded one. Anime of that sort served as propaganda for its recruitment efforts, inclined adults to dismiss claims of being a magical girl as fantasy, delusion, or pranks, and led to costumes being dismissed as cosplay. It was too convenient for it to not have been influenced heavily by the Incubators.

But Miss Miki was colorblind now? Her most recent death did involve some degree of ocular damage, and it wasn’t out of the norm for events in past timelines to affect later ones. 

She tuned out the rest of the conversation. It was more important for Madoka to be protected, even if that meant ignoring her.

“Miss Akemi? I believe that it would be much easier on you if I was to cast the barrier. You _are_ almost out of magic.” Homura cursed her mind for wandering off earlier. Damn Miss Tomoe and her need to parent _all_ the magical girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School started up again, and I can tell it's going to kick my ass during finals. Updates will probably be slow because of this.


	5. Chapter 5

Mami’s reaction to the sphere sucking out all the color in Miss Akemi’s general vicinity was _huh_. So she was an illusionist like Kyoko. Of course, she must use that shield to store all of her stolen hues, and her costume would reflect her powers. The weapons she pulled out were clearly illusions, since firearms were illegal and would have been noticed by the police by now, Familiars were extensions of the Witch, and magic was all about belief, so if the Witch believed that something in its Labyrinth was dead, the thing would vanish.

And if belief wasn’t sufficient, enough magic would make anything, even a nice fluffy pillow, into a bomb strong enough to do some very early demolition. 

This solved the question of why Miss Akemi abhorred Kyubey too – magical girls were prone to getting caught up in the madness of the Labyrinth, and illusionists doubly so. If your life is based off your ability to lie convincingly, then you’d be a master at lying - even to yourself.

She really hoped Miss Akemi wasn’t a social Darwinist like Kyoko – it’d be a shame if she believed in survival of the sparkly.

Mami watched out of the corner of her eye for a bit; it wouldn’t do to interrupt her if the monochrome effect was intentional. It might not be, but she had heard of some awfully odd abilities – cheerleading, delusions made reality, and always having your name misremembered were all possible. What was a little pigment thievery in comparison? She would interrupt if Miss Akemi’s Soul Gem got too tainted – how was it possible for her keep her hair so clean, but leave her Soul Gem looking so _oily_?

…They were in a Labyrinth. Eveything in here is from a Witch. Witches cause corruption and corruption taints her Soul Gems and hers was already that so dark so that would mean that she would run out of magic soon!

Mami silently prepared herself for another argument and said, “Miss Akemi? I believe that it would be much easier on you if I was to cast the barrier. You _are_ almost out of magic.”

“That will not be necessary.” Hair flip. “I am more than adequately prepared to do so.”

“Even so, you shouldn’t strain yourself. Here, let me take over. Unless the desaturation effect is necessary for your continued use of your abilities?” Mami could have sworn she saw a brief flash of irritation, followed by what might have been a state of panic. Trying to read this girl was like trying to spot a polar bear wearing white contact lens and with a heavily powdered nose in a blizzard.

Miss Akemi glanced up from her spinning ball of magic and for just a moment Mami could see her eyes widening by a fraction of a millimeter, after which the raven-haired girl promptly shoved it away from the group of girls and towards the chamber the Witch resided in.

The subsequent flash of sheer color blinded them to the rage-filled cries of a ghost girl being awoken from her nap.

While Gertud was launching a sonic assault on the party’s ears, two thoughts flashed through Mami’s mind. One, Miss Akemi was clearly somewhat new to the magical girl scene. She displayed a lack of knowledge about what her powers could do, relied on mundane weaponry far more than magic, and refused to acknowledge the tactical benefits of cooperating with Kyubey. Mami could understand not forming alliances with other magical girls – her refusal to leave innocent people to die from Familiars was often a key fault line in relationships. However, there was simply no way to survive without Kyubey. He was the only reliable disposer of Grief Seeds one could find. She would have to have a talk with her after this battle to cover why cooperation was necessary and to ensure that Miss Akemi wasn’t responsible to Kyubey’s injuries.

Her second thought was that she would have really preferred for the visual vomit to be delivered as pure, white light. Couldn’t light be split into seven colors? Magical girls were meant to heal and defend the innocent – every girl had some innate capacity to do that. So why was she being forced to endure a deconstructed rainbow shoving its way into her eyeballs?

…At least her juniors and Kyubey were unharmed. It appeared that the actual force had been directed straight at the Witch itself. (Strangely enough, it looked like it had an awful case of bedhead.)

With a smile worthy of the greatest heroes, Mami said “Don’t worry girls. You’ll be just fine. Just stay behind this barrier and hold Kyubey for me please!” She gently, but firmly shoved him back into Miss Miki’s hands.

“I _can’t_! I mean look at my- It’s not sanitary! He’ll get an infection or something!“ Miss Miki stammered out.

“What do you mean? Don’t worry. All his wounds are closed up, so he’ll be just fine.”

“My _shirt_! It’s all bloody from his- What? Where did it all go?“

“Ah. Kyubey doesn’t bleed much, and if he does, it disappears very quickly. Fitting of his nature of a magical creature, don’t you think? Miss Akemi, please stay behind and protect your friends from any stray debris. I’m not quite sure how this Labyrinth will work when the Witch is engaged, so I would prefer to have you remain behind.”

A look of irritation flashed over the black-haired girl’s face, but it dissolved into acceptance.

“Very well. I will remain here and shield them from _any_ dangers that come their way.”

Even if that statement was meant as a threat, it wasn’t like Miss Akemi would be able to do anything to her in her current condition. They could smooth out any issues tonight with cake and tea.

Gertud didn’t know who woke her up, but it was probably those horrible humans again. Always coming in with their stupid stumbling walks and those disgustingly blank eyes so drained of passion unlike her precious roses. They didn’t even have the decency to pay the entrance fee willingly! (Not that anyone ever would. Not even her Anthonies.)

How was she supposed to maintain her prized blooms if no one ever paid? She already gave everything she had to her roses, so it was only _right_ for trespassers to give a little donation to her cause. It wasn’t her problem if that and all the fines for trampling the roses lead to them dying. And of course, it wasn’t very ecologically conscious of her to let resources go to waste so she used their souls to fuel her expansions. Why, the first spirit to generously donate to her cause had been the source of her most prized blossoms! Thinking about it still made her feel like something like she couldn’t photosynthesize and her eye-roses feel like rain was gushing out of them though…

(In her dreams Gertud could glimpse flashes of a human face. A red rose that was alien in appearance, yet beautiful beyond anything she could grow was presented to her. Why did everything look so different? For some reason, she felt that the face was the one thing she once trusted.)

She and her chaise lounge were slammed into the dirt as if _she_ was acting as a shovel, not one of her Anthonies. You couldn’t trust anyone these days. Honestly, she goes to the trouble of making her own workers, and those idiots use _cotton_ heads as spades? She would have made them smarter if that hadn’t meant that she’d have to stop growing roses for a while.

After Gertud regained her senses, she tried to kill two aphids with one spray and promptly threw some roses and thorns out of the soil to get rid of that human with the not-rose flower on her head and keep building her garden. Was _that girl_ the one who had woken her? The heretic would pay for destroying the immediate future of her garden.

Then some hot, glowy seeds started puncturing her body. Gertud tried to fly up (and sadly away from her newly grown flower floor) but her wings barely worked. She jerked up into and around the air, screeching in rage while throwing up more defenses against the intruder trying to ruin her life’s work.

(Flickers of a world long ago flashed before Gertud, showing her that same face red as her own roses, mouth wide open and particles of cloudy water being propelled towards her. She didn’t know why, but for just a moment she felt like she was worthless and that nothing she did mattered.

She managed to wrap a vine around the girl’s ankle and smash her into the wall (she’d make excellent fertilizer). She whipped the vine back, but just as the drill-headed girl would have met her end, something involving more not-roses happened and Gertud lost hold of her. Self-loathing filled her. She couldn’t even trust _herself_ to protect her roses, not even when she tried her best.

The trespasser turned back and said something. Gertud thought that maybe she could have understood humans in the past, but now she couldn’t. Another thing she couldn’t do… No. It wasn’t her fault. It couldn’t be her fault. It was the Adelberts’ fault for not waking her up. How could she have trusted them even a little bit? It was the Anthonies’ fault for not chopping that stupid little girl up. She shouldn’t have trusted them either.

“T̴̠̯̳̖̞̳̤̙̊̾̉̐̂̒̈ḭ̴̧̦͙̘̫͉̜̗̥̌͐͂̍̊̋̎̌͠r̸͍̰̣̼͉̂͋̎̓͌̓͗ơ̵̛̼͚̫͕͇̜̳̣̭͔͍̣̯͂͛̃̈́̒̒̂̊̏̂̉ͅ ̸̻̤̙̲͕̱͓̰̲͕̈̌̔͂͗̕͝F̶͖̺̭́̍̕i̷̧͔̙̯̲͙̼̰̖̤̱̟͋̚ͅň̴̢̡̠̹̲̬̠͖̘͚͚̰̦̩͋́͒̚̕ą̴̥̰̗͔̩͚̦̏̔̃̉̎̌̎̚͜ͅl̶̠̬̮̫̮̻͙̗̒̔̔̌͋̎͆̽̓̚̕͜͠͝e̸̦̩̲̘̩̼͍̾͜!” the human girl shouted.

As the massive ball of yellow magic smashed into Gertud’s body, she felt like she was being released. For once, she didn’t feel so constrained, and the knowledge she just _knew_ had gone from her mind when she became whatever her state was coming back to her.

Then everything became darkness and cold silver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...hi. I know it's been a while since the last update. Honestly I don't really have any excuses other than school starting up again. English is killing me T-T. Sorry that the chapter's shorter than usual, but at this point I thought it'd be better to get something out rather than wait until New Year's after finals week. 
> 
> Happy (early) holidays! Please stay safe, especially with COVID-19 ramping up in the U.S.!


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